Chasing Inflated Pigskins = Political and Civic Brilliance

Coming clean after years of thinking I’ve been right - courtesy of our modern day gladiator-scholars

A few weeks ago, I was on an early morning flight from a major football city back to my sunny desert home. The man occupying the seat next me had his social media sitting up, and I accidentally caught a glance at his name. After finding it familiar, I ran a search and found that this guy was a starting NFL defensive back for a very popular franchise with fans scattered from coast to coast. He sat swiping on Instagram and liking videos with Democrat politicians and supportive celebrities championing woke mind virus causes.

I have to admit, I felt sheepish writing a bestselling newsletter focused on American political process and clean elections - and definitely about having recently published a book that was weeks away from being promoted by the President of the United States himself. I was in the presence of unmatched brilliance for four hours, and in that period, I was forced to confront my beliefs.

Does hating mail-in ballots make me racist?

Is selecting Congressmen on the basis of color actually more important than content of character?

Do we expect too much accountability for domestic violence in the NFL?

Then it all hit home for me in a very uncomfortable way:

You see, that’s our guy up there. I don’t mean the President - I mean Jaxson Dart. You see this diploma?

The University of Mississippi - “Ole Miss.” Proud 2008 graduate from the business school under the vaunted Dean, Ken Cyree. At Ole Miss, we hold our Rebel family to account. Jaxson Dart, as you probably know by now, donned the red and blue:

After Dart’s teammates were offended by him exercising a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to introduce the sitting president, I couldn’t help but challenge all of my long-held positions. Since there are so many of you who read this newsletter who pay to receive the full offering of analysis, I have no choice but to be transparent.

To this point, I have considered these things instrumental in shaping my worldview and political acumen:

• Parents who educated me on current events and political implications from a young age

• Growing up in a conservative culture that stressed application of faith to one’s worldview

• Service in the military with deep immersion in foreign policy and intelligence strategy

• Long-term approach to success made possible by my interest in baseball

• Statistical mindset honed while working as a baseball statistician and combat-deployed officer, which directly influenced my ability to discern electoral trends

Now - it’s all hanging in the balance. For the first time, I am wondering if chasing an inflated pigskin around a grass or artificial field intricately programs a man to be an expert in all things political. Perhaps there is a method to this madness - that players can support exclusively left-wing political concepts under the guise of freedom and in the name of anti-racism, while simultaneously and righteously crucifying teammates for exhibiting public support for someone holding different viewpoints.

It doesn’t matter that a city choked out by illegal immigration (is anyone illegal on stolen land, anyway?) will suffer economic decay, impact the middle class, which would like to attend football games, and contribute to lower revenues which equate to lower pay and contract opportunities for the players supporting liberal politicians. Perhaps their virtue can’t be bought?

Perhaps I’ve been illogical and immature to have concerns about the lives of crime lived by so many NFL players. Even if their rates of domestic violence arrests are more than double that of the average 25-29 year old man, maybe the women deserved it, or worse, made racist comments while not recognizing the sheer brilliance of young Americans dealing with the onset of brain damage at such a young age to discern the American electorate in a way 77 million of their countrymen cannot.

After all, a life of largess lived with the benefit of multi-million dollar contracts affords them more time to swipe reels and consume that which the algorithm demands so they can be fully aware of everything we don’t know. These teams hire these professionals just as much for their brains as they do their ability to run an arbitrary distance at a great speed, slam their bodies into someone, and do it all again 30 seconds later. When I recognize my privilege and put it all together, maybe my decades of dedication to understanding the world and challenging what I thought was the status quo pales in comparison to these life experiences so few of us get:

• Hitting blocking sleds

• Diving on a rolling football (very weird bounces can happen)

• Banging heads with your teammates after a big play

• Punching other players in the face mask with your own hands if an altercation occurs

• Catching the inflated pigskin

• Running with an inflated pigskin and trying not to get caught

• Kicking (!) the inflated pigskin

Arizona has a political candidate, Jay Feely, who is running a Republican campaign as a friend of the Clinton Foundation whose experience under pressure comes from attempting to kick inflated pigskins between yellow bars:

That automatically means he is on a rendezvous with destiny to become our Commander-in-Chief. These players are staring down other multi-millionaires on a field for 3 hours on Sundays before heading home to beat the shit out of their wives and girlfriends. We are out here trying to operate successful businesses that hemorrhage a third of their revenues to this government that we thought used it for nefarious purposes. Perhaps we are all just racists and should listen to the true pros.

In all seriousness…

Yes, this piece has been a satirical one. You don’t need to adjust your glasses or unsubscribe.

It wasn’t so long ago that those pros could attend a ceremony with a president they didn’t like, do the deed, shut the hell up, and go home. Plenty of conservative-minded athletes visited the White House under Presidents Obama and Biden, zipped their mouths, and went on their way. Abdul Carter probably couldn’t list ten American presidents, yet wants to start the New York Giants out on a toxic note because the team’s de facto leader carried out a life experience he’ll never forget, or regret.

The NFL is a trash product with dead weight losers filling the rosters. It looks the other way on domestic violence, drug use, and rampant criminality while painting “end racism” in the end zones while they should be investing heavily in making sure the reprobates in the pads have access to something else to channel aggression into other than the gold diggers who take the beatings at home after the modern-day gladiatorial spectacle.

Dear NFL - shut the f*** up.

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Seth Keshel, MBA, a former Army Captain of Military Intelligence and Afghanistan veteran, is the author of The American War on Election Corruption. His analytical method of election forecasting and analytics is known worldwide, and he has been commended by President Donald J. Trump for his work in the field.