The Parables of the Piss Test and the Percocet

Topic: Elections

The Parable of the Piss Test

The chief election denialist gathered his audience around the projector and told them, “there was a soldier who enjoyed a four-day weekend, traveling many hundreds of miles away from his company headquarters.  There he enjoyed the finest of barbecue, chip dips, and Keystone Light, and on the final day of his journey, in his impaired judgment, he imbibed in all sorts of illegal recreational drug use, from marijuana to Ecstasy, knowing they would displease his commander if his indiscretions were brought to light. 

“Upon returning, the soldier expected his first moments back on duty to consist of physical fitness training.  He was wrong.  His commander, while many soldiers were caught off guard, ordered a 100% unit urinalysis.  Because he had built up trust among his superior officers, the soldier ducked out of formation, feigning illness, and upon receiving four days of mandatory quartering from the unit physician, requested his sample vial to be mailed to him.

“His commander approved his request, and the soldier, in his deceit, had a drug-free companion fill his sample vial with a clean sample.  The battalion commander, who did not approve of his subordinate commander mailing out sample vials, became suspicious and ordered a DNA test on the urine sample.  The soldier was discovered to have committed a fraud even more dishonorable than if he had simply tested positive for illicit substances.  It has been the practice ever since that soldiers are not allowed to provide urine samples absent direct observation.”

The Parable of the Percocet

The chief election denialist continued, “there was a pharmacist in a small town, with a reputation for honesty and fair dealing, even though his state was ravaged by drug addiction and easy access to narcotics.  A time came when the pharmacist was offered money, enough for his family to live on for two decades, to dispense twice the authorized amount of Percocet, a powerful painkiller, than prescribed.  Wisely, the pharmacist documented the bribe and asserted his standards for controlling distribution of powerful, habit-forming drugs that multiplied criminality in his state if access was not controlled.

“Law enforcement officials began cracking down on such corruption and when this pharmacist’s shop was raided, he and all of his technicians were praised for their honesty and given a much greater reward than could have been gained had he accepted the bribes, for he would have been imprisoned for many years and lost all he had, even the shirt off of his back.”

The Parables Explained

The chief election denialist then asked his audience, “Who do you think stood by his values and ensured integrity was present in a critical process?”

“The pharmacist!” bellowed the crowd, but they did not understand the correlation of what the instructor was trying to say in context of current events.

“You have answered correctly,” answered the instructor, “but woe to you who have ears but do not hear, and eyes but do not perceive that which is in front of you.”

The instructor continued, “The dishonest soldier represents the rulers who distribute mail-in ballots to anyone except overseas military and the legitimately disabled, who would still be subject to strict verification procedures.  They in their wickedness know that not all ballots will reach a real, living human being, and that not all ballots will be voted by the stated recipient.  They allow fraudulent ballots to be cast, thereby diluting the accurate voice of the peoples’ suffrage.  Rather than admitting fault, and receiving light admonition, they double down and grant even more ballots against the will of those who they are supposed to shepherd.  Once the voting process is brought into light and direct supervision, their punishment will be far greater than it would have been had they initiated meaningful reforms.

“The pharmacist represents a wise ruler, who when tempted with the wealth of this world, held fast to his values, and implemented strict controls to preserve a valued institution.  What he had to distribute was powerful indeed, enough to cause massive addiction and criminality, with all sorts of evildoers seeking access to such potent narcotics.  The narcotics represent mail-in ballots, which when subjected to loss of common-sense controls that cause them to flood the streets, cause massive upheaval and rampant criminality and ballot harvesting under the government of those who could not reach positions of power without the requisite corruption.  Only fools think mail-in balloting, free of restrictions and oversight, is a wise way to conduct elections that do not disenfranchise the legal participants.”

“You have said what is just, chief election denialist,” answered the crowd, who went about pursuing the Ten Points to True Election Integrity and sharing this wisdom with the surrounding areas.

Author’s Note: A parable is a simple story used to illustrate a moral lesson.  Election Integrity is a moral topic, and none of my comparisons above are intended to make light of the Bible’s wisdom.  Now that we have covered that, I hope you understand that our elected and selected officials are no better than drug dealers who operate without transparency, and that the practice of mail-in balloting is not only foolish, but reckless, and intended to disrupt legitimate election results.  Share this witty piece as you please, and if you find my journal worthwhile, I could use your support as a paying member of this journal.  Your support helps keep me moving and independent to serve as a major voice in this fight for election reform.  Thank you all.