50 Things Every American Boy Should Know

Topic: Perspective

My Dad used to subscribe to Esquire magazine, back when the world was less wrapped up in wokeism and not yet unwilling to air out edgy stories or tell borderline jokes. I remember flipping through that publication when it would show up in our mailbox, as well as Baseball Weekly, Military Officers Association of America, and Newsweek.

Dad always liked a little section in the back of Esquire called “What I’ve Learned.” It was a one-page feature, usually with an entrepreneur, actor, or celebrity, with random life lessons passed on. Some of them were funny, others sentimental, and still some, downright tragic lessons learned the hard way. He said he wanted to be featured in that section and would often give me unsolicited advice on a variety of topics.

I wrote out ten of the following points on social media earlier this week, and upon further thought, have decided to crank out 50 Things Every American Boy Should Know, ideally from his father, if he is fortunate enough to have one. I have one son, and have discussed as many of the serious points listed below with him as are appropriate for his seven-year-old mind.

If you know me, you’ll know which ones are dead serious from the ones that are sarcastic, humorous, or sentimental. I hope you enjoy these, and would love to hear your favorites in the comments section. Special gratitude goes to Andrea Wexelblatt for designing the knock-off graphic in Esquire fashion for use here in this journal.

STATESMANSHIP

America is a Republic, not a Democracy.

There is nothing Democratic about the Democrat Party.

There is little Republican about the Republican Party.

If you can go to the gym, the store, or the golf course, you can vote in person, too.

If elections were fair, they’d let you audit every ballot, process, and procedure just to laugh at your pain and misery.

Refrain from calling yourself a freedom loving capitalist if, in practice, you oppose free markets and entrepreneurship and espouse socialism.

Be able to defend every position you hold, regardless of your emotions or allegiance to political ideology.

A free man creates a culture of freedom everywhere he goes, and does not consider the threat of loss as a reason to silence himself.

Never get out of an Uber without having discussed the 2020 election fraud.

SKILLS

To effectively speak in public, tell them what you’re going to tell them, tell them, and then tell them what you told them.  Mix a joke or two in, don’t stand still, and make eye contact.  They’ll love you.

Going first and giving your all at something no one else wants to do, but has to do, guarantees respect from peers and superiors alike.

Most response jokes require a quick draw to be funny.

Ninety percent of your success comes from being in the right place, at the right time, and knowing the basics to get the job done.

STYLE

Excluding the most formal events, ditch the tie when wearing a blazer.

“Texas casual” - blazer, no tie, and cowboy boots - can’t be beat. Even in New England.

An ounce of image is worth a pound of work. (Hat Tip: Sergeant First Class Bell)

Life is far too short to be just like everyone else.

No one pays to watch singles hitters, no matter how valuable they may be.  People want to see home runs.

PERSPECTIVE

If you can’t make a left turn safely, your town has been overrun.

Casinos don’t stay in business because they’ve perfected the art of losing money.

One of life’s great tragedies is that too many people die after eight or nine decades on Earth having never truly lived a single day.

Exposure to some of the world’s great sh*tholes gives a man a new understanding of how much we Americans have and too frequently take for granted. (Hat Tip: Dad)

Don’t wait until you’re breaking down to see the world and live your dreams.  Tomorrow may never come.

Cars, houses, boats, and clothes are inanimate objects that can and will be replaced.  People are not, and cannot.

You can always make more money.  You can’t make more time.

Wounds make you human and capable of helping others.  They do not make you permanently ruined and incapable of driving change in the world.

Love knows no time zones. (Hat tip: Dad)

FOR FUN

If you come to know a radical feminist, hold the door open for her anyway.  That way, you’ll make her think you don’t think she’s strong enough to open it herself, when in reality you’re just being courteous.

If you grow tall, wear boots and be even taller.  You’ll be average in plenty of other categories, and the average man is 5’9” – play up your strengths.

People need to be reminded that it is alright to laugh and have fun, even in the middle of a war. Happy warriors are the best warriors.

LIFE HACKS

If you cuss only sparingly, it makes people pay more attention to emphasis when you let one fly.

Spend money on the place you call “home.”  After all, you spend most of your time there, and you might as well enjoy it.

Let the poker table know what you’re holding from time to time.  If you have two strong cards and are forced to show, every time you announce your hand, they’ll think you’ve got great cards.  Then when you tell the table you have a 2 and a 7, they’ll think you’re holding an unbeatable hand.

PLAIN ADVICE

Don’t let your mouth write checks your ass can’t cash.

If you wouldn’t say it to someone in person, don’t say it about them on social media.

Don’t allow age or being “too busy” as excuses for getting out of shape.

When you write something on the Internet, be sure you’d be fine with it being the front-page headline of the New York Times before you publish it.

Don’t make your fight with someone else the problem of a third party.

CORE BELIEFS

Nothing great comes from comfort zones. (Hat tip: Lt. Commander Jason Price)

40 years lived atop your game beats 80 years living on your knees hoping someone else fixes the world.

God didn’t give you life so you could stash money, hoard possessions, and play it safe.  He made you into a weapon for good works and leaving a legacy.

You become old when you decide you are old.

WAR

The enemy inside the wire is exponentially more dangerous than the enemy outside of it.

The best hitters put the barrel where the ball is going to be when it crosses home plate, not where the ball appears to be when he first sees it.  Similarly, forecasting and anticipation are critical keys to success.

The best quarterback wants the ball at the end of the game, with everything on the line.

The best officers go to the sound of the guns. (Hat tip: Dad)

PERSEVERANCE

Set free from fear of death, a man can be fully alive both in the here and now and in the forever beyond.

“Prepportunity” is when preparation meets opportunity. (Hat tip: Wes Yeary)

Rejoice in the sufferings of today that sharpen your character for tomorrow.

Everyone has the same currency of 86,400 seconds per day with which to work.

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Author’s Note: I believe in, and seek to live out, the serious points listed above. I’m as human as you are and often fall short of executing as planned, or in upholding every value espoused, but will always affirm these points and wish to see them passed down to coming generations who will be in need of the values and beliefs that made men free. Thank you for reading this free piece. If you are able, please subscribe to this journal as a paying member so I may remain independent in this fight for liberty. Thank you.